I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
