If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
