Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and i looked up. we had an audience...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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