I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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