every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he told me I talked like a deaf person
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
