Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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