Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
