So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
