I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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