Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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