I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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