I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
