Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
