then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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