Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
