in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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