Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
