Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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