angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
