yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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