the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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