Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
