"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
