I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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