So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
