it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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