he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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