The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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