I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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