u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she looked like the before picture.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
