You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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