If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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