yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
