Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
