I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
