There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
