god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
