If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
