it wasn't lemon gatorade
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
