they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
