yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
