Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
