**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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