I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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