i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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