Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
