So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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