Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
