I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
