sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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