Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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