do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
