apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
