Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As shirtless as possible
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
