It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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