I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
