Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
