ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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