i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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