i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
