She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
