You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
