I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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