Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
