My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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