I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
