i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
