So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
