In America we eat man semen.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
