Buhtt sex?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
