haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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