Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize