I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
