Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i think i just lost a toe
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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