I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
