Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
