see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
