Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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