i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
