i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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