Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
