Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize