He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How's work?
Spinning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
