YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
