I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
