your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just gift wrapped bread.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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