I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
