the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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