Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
