i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
