i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
