i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
