Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
