I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
