my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
