She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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