I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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