textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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