she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
